Comments on: Chapter 25, First Draft http://www.maydenchronicles.com/2009/12/19/chapter-25-first-draft/ New Media Education On How To Write A Book Sun, 31 Jul 2011 00:22:14 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Sue H http://www.maydenchronicles.com/2009/12/19/chapter-25-first-draft/comment-page-1/#comment-7830 Sue H Mon, 08 Feb 2010 17:35:16 +0000 http://www.maydenchronicles.com/?p=832#comment-7830 A couple things: "She pats me again and it’s all I can do to rip her arm off me and out of it’s socket" -maybe I'm misunderstanding but I think it should be something like "it's all I can do to NOT rip her arm off..." or "refrain from"...? "Despite myself, I think of tomato soul and Challah bread" - while "tomato soul" might actually make sense in the context of the story I'm thinking you meant "tomato soup"? The foods she thinks of sound wonderful...maybe a list of recipes can be added as a reference section at the end of the book? :-) A couple things:

“She pats me again and it’s all I can do to rip her arm off me and out of it’s socket”
-maybe I’m misunderstanding but I think it should be something like “it’s all I can do to NOT rip her arm off…” or “refrain from”…?

“Despite myself, I think of tomato soul and Challah bread”
- while “tomato soul” might actually make sense in the context of the story I’m thinking you meant “tomato soup”?

The foods she thinks of sound wonderful…maybe a list of recipes can be added as a reference section at the end of the book? :-)

]]> By: Robin Rice http://www.maydenchronicles.com/2009/12/19/chapter-25-first-draft/comment-page-1/#comment-7190 Robin Rice Tue, 12 Jan 2010 12:23:28 +0000 http://www.maydenchronicles.com/?p=832#comment-7190 Well, I am truly a good fiction writer, then, because I don't cook! It is my lovely husband Brian who does it all... but oh, how I can eat. They gave me a new word to use for that... foodie. I really have to watch it or I'd be several hundred pounds! But I'm glad the story works for you! Well, I am truly a good fiction writer, then, because I don’t cook! It is my lovely husband Brian who does it all… but oh, how I can eat. They gave me a new word to use for that… foodie. I really have to watch it or I’d be several hundred pounds! But I’m glad the story works for you!

]]> By: Sue http://www.maydenchronicles.com/2009/12/19/chapter-25-first-draft/comment-page-1/#comment-7180 Sue Tue, 12 Jan 2010 02:57:19 +0000 http://www.maydenchronicles.com/?p=832#comment-7180 Oh my goodness the meals that Mayden brings forth!! (yum yum) I can picture you, Robin, creating these! ;~) "The thought of bring her makes me crazy excited. Not for me, but for her. She’s going to get out of this place, if only for an afternoon. It could be the highlight of her last two years. Unless, of course, it all blows up. The idea of that hits me with a thud and a pounding heart. Please, please, please let that be a simple fear, and not my “knowing” acting up." "...The thought of bring her makes..." change 'bring' to 'bringing' "“Not anymore you don’t,” she says firmly, like a doctor. Not like the woman I saw nursing here all those years, who said she went on to be a M.D. to bring more caring to this place. Sell out." "...who said she went on to be a M.D. to bring..." change 'a' to 'an' :~) Oh my goodness the meals that Mayden brings forth!! (yum yum) I can picture you, Robin, creating these! ;~)

“The thought of bring her makes me crazy excited. Not for me, but for her. She’s going to get out of this place, if only for an afternoon. It could be the highlight of her last two years. Unless, of course, it all blows up. The idea of that hits me with a thud and a pounding heart. Please, please, please let that be a simple fear, and not my “knowing” acting up.”

“…The thought of bring her makes…” change ‘bring’ to ‘bringing’

““Not anymore you don’t,” she says firmly, like a doctor. Not like the woman I saw nursing here all those years, who said she went on to be a M.D. to bring more caring to this place. Sell out.”

“…who said she went on to be a M.D. to bring…” change ‘a’ to ‘an’

:~)

]]> By: Sandy Phocas http://www.maydenchronicles.com/2009/12/19/chapter-25-first-draft/comment-page-1/#comment-6753 Sandy Phocas Sat, 19 Dec 2009 22:08:08 +0000 http://www.maydenchronicles.com/?p=832#comment-6753 Awesome, Robin--I am loving how this is unfolding, and how Magic is revealing itself. Thank you for this. Awesome, Robin–I am loving how this is unfolding, and how Magic is revealing itself. Thank you for this.

]]> By: Robin Rice http://www.maydenchronicles.com/2009/12/19/chapter-25-first-draft/comment-page-1/#comment-6751 Robin Rice Sat, 19 Dec 2009 21:34:34 +0000 http://www.maydenchronicles.com/?p=832#comment-6751 Yippie skippie Erin... so glad it touched you at just the right moment. We are in the home stretch... just four more chapters! Thanks for reading and commenting... it makes the writing so much richer an experience for me! Yippie skippie Erin… so glad it touched you at just the right moment. We are in the home stretch… just four more chapters! Thanks for reading and commenting… it makes the writing so much richer an experience for me!

]]> By: Erin http://www.maydenchronicles.com/2009/12/19/chapter-25-first-draft/comment-page-1/#comment-6750 Erin Sat, 19 Dec 2009 21:32:39 +0000 http://www.maydenchronicles.com/?p=832#comment-6750 “Return to your preparations,” I hear a voice say, so loud and clear I look around to make sure we are still alone. We are. “That act of faith is critical,” it adds. All that build-up to hear this part - so perfect. the way this has been worded had that impact on me when something so simple and obvious and practical is given to you profoundly... See More...it really is the liminal point of magic for me - to return to my preparations, let the magical space and work dissolve from me as it gathered in me and leave it to it's own will...the ability to move back and forth between those moments and their passing - knowing when it's time for each is the place i have set my attention to recently (as recently as a conversation about this very thing earlier today) so this was a deeply fitting read for me. “Return to your preparations,” I hear a voice say, so loud and clear I look around to make sure we are still alone. We are. “That act of faith is critical,” it adds.

All that build-up to hear this part – so perfect. the way this has been worded had that impact on me when something so simple and obvious and practical is given to you profoundly… See More…it really is the liminal point of magic for me – to return to my preparations, let the magical space and work dissolve from me as it gathered in me and leave it to it’s own will…the ability to move back and forth between those moments and their passing – knowing when it’s time for each is the place i have set my attention to recently (as recently as a conversation about this very thing earlier today) so this was a deeply fitting read for me.

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