Comments on: Chapter 13, First Draft

By: Robin Rice

Robin Rice — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 16:30:16 +0000

Thanks for catching that Robert. I have a main character named Sydney in another book, so I changed it, but this will help me do a search and replace on it later!

By: Robert

Robert — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 16:23:55 +0000

So far I like what I am reading, the flow of the story is unique and capturing. One item I noticed is the wife’s name, in Ch. 7 it’s Sydney then here in Ch. 13 it’s Sally. Robin thank you for not only writing but also to teach in concepts.

By: Sue

Sue — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 02:26:33 +0000

Mmmmm…delicious is what I feel for this chapter! (grin)

““You swept them off their feet,” I say, not afraid to show I both honest and annoyed. “That makes me uncomfortable.””

Change “…to show I both…” ‘I’ to ‘I’m’

““Now way,” he smiles. “You’re a girl who gets magic. Really gets it. And that is rarer than rare to find.” He reaches out for me, barely touches my fingers.”

Change ‘now’ to ‘no’.

Fun how we all have our ‘tweaks’ in typing…like typing ‘now’ a lot when we want to type ‘no’. Mine is ‘thing’…when I’m wanting ‘think’! (lol)

By: Robin Rice

Robin Rice — Sat, 02 May 2009 21:31:43 +0000

Thanks Alesia! I always say that characters come from some part of me–all of them. I recall thinking even as a kid that riches were a mask more than anything. I also recall asking people I’ve worked with who say they want a fancy car, what they think of people who drive that car. They almost always say they are snobs. So, they want to be snobs? They begin to see the bigger picture pretty quick. Thanks for your insights, Alesia. There was just a wee bit of this love affair meant to speak to you young folks in specific!

By: Robin Rice

Robin Rice — Sat, 02 May 2009 21:28:47 +0000

Brilliant thought, Pat! I like it!

By: Alesia

Alesia — Sat, 02 May 2009 20:33:03 +0000

Awww that was a sweet way to end the chapter
I really like the chemistry between Mayden and Michael.
It was so cute when he said “I don’t have to stand close.” ahh, so smooth.
It made me think, like Mayden, when he said- “Everyone hurts. Everyone. Sometimes the rich more than any, because they are supposed to be happy with what they have, even if they are not. And all they know how to do is use more money to try to make it better, which it never does.” And how true that is. Material cannot satisfy forever. And it’s sad how some people put on a mask, constantly trying to strive for something they can’t achieve through objects and money alone; happiness. A true sense of self. I think it’s cool that you have a character(s) that comes from all of that, but doesn’t go along with it; proving that we shouldn’t stereotype the ‘rich’. We’re all people, we all have emotions regardless of how much money we have.
Can’t wait for more!
Love,
Alesia

By: Pat

Pat — Sat, 02 May 2009 18:32:25 +0000

Hmmmmm…. Isn’t Michael interesting… He can really “see” people… see who they are and what’s important to them and speak to that. But who is HE, really… He can get instant “reads” on everyone else, but is he willing to allow another to get to know him? Or… is his being compassionate about others’ situations and needs going to be a near fatal character flaw? Maybe he doesn’t have the capacity to know who HE is… Could that be a possible explanation of “too good”?