Comments on: Chapter Seven, Second Draft

By: Sue

Sue — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 02:12:44 +0000

Love Mayden’s fire!

“Julie,” Dad says in a calmer tone, the kind that means he’s taking a different tack, “I can sure understand how you’d feel like this IF something like that were true, but…”

Would that be “tack” or “tact”?

““My silent business partner?” he says, his hand over the mouthpiece. He looks at me like I should know this. But when have I ever paid attention to who he does silent business with?”

Ok…if you are going for teen-jargon…yes she probably would use ‘who’ and not ‘whom’ (lol) I think it’s a definite lost art in knowing the who/whom one these days. :~)

By: Alesia

Alesia — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 22:13:24 +0000

Ooh I’m really loving this!
Jake is so very very cute! I’m liking his character a lot.
I really love Bea as well; her strong, blunt, powerful character.
In this chapter I really got to know her situation at home more. Got a glimpse of what goes on. That was really well done. I could feel Julie’s frustration almost as if it were my own.
And that was so awesome when the bowl broke! Powerful.
This story is captivating me, I’m excited to keep reading.

By: Shirin

Shirin — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 17:04:48 +0000

I really like this second draft. Much more detail for the imagination to work with. I also really like the bread bowl trick. It speaks to the amount of power that she unknowingly has. Really Good!

By: Robin Rice

Robin Rice — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 21:52:40 +0000

Thanks, Tiffany, for your thoughts! First, I’ll check out that artistic date! Second, I’ve had others say they don’t want to comment, that it is my story. But I could just write another book if I wanted to…this new medium allows me to hear where you are as a reader as I go along. It also allows me to share what is happening in my head, for all you would-be novelists (and already-are novelists!) out there. That is what makes it FUN! Also, who is to say this will resonate with teens–they know the lingo and can keep the story honest. So comment away, and it will STILL be my story. Nudges in direction are already in there from comments so far, and I really love that. This is an experiment… let’s have FUN! Finally, I pay about $12 for each istock.com photo of the main characters, but I just google search some of the pics that are less important (like Mayden’s front door). If it isn’t going to be a copyright issue, I beg, borrow and… if I would have to steal, I pay! Time it takes–five minutes, maybe! I’m going to be doing more with the visuals as we go along… also thinking of getting some actors to play out a scene (recording only) just for fun. Who knows where this will take us! Thanks for the interaction!

By: Tiffany Montavon

Tiffany Montavon — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 21:37:24 +0000

lastly, can you reveal your source for where you got the images of your people? i know you said (previous posting) you were looking at a free images site – - name? am in desperate need of people in conversation photos to use for our web. and then, how much time do you spend (roughly) creating the IMAGES behind this blog? curious to me the intersection of visual and written.

peace, Tiffany

By: Tiffany Montavon

Tiffany Montavon — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 21:35:32 +0000

Also, I’ve seen your comments that the whole point of writing a story on a blog is the interaction between you and readers. So I checked in with my own reasons’ for not commenting more… and it’s an odd thing. it’s YOUR writing. so even with an invitation from you, who am I to comment on your product? I might like more of this, and less of this…. but then that would be inserting me into your product, eh? but then, that’s I guess the pint of blogging – interaction? was interesting to check out my own comfort level with commenting on your writing.
still, always… loking forward to the next chapter!

By: Tiffany Montavon

Tiffany Montavon — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 21:32:19 +0000

Hey Robin – much better! more fleshed out, more bread crumbs on the trail to follow. tighter. Ahhh, the beauty of editing, eh?

was watching “the Fall” 2006 by Tarsem Singh last night, and thought of you. seen it? magic, truth, humanity, story… highly recommend it as an artistic date with yourself.

By: Camille

Camille — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 19:18:30 +0000

Robin, a couple of typos:
…Because that magic that took root in my feet and traveled to my gut is has become….”is, has”?
Also…. “Without waiting for a reply that won’t not come,”…”won’t not come”.
Love that you told us where she put Scottie (I was wondering about that) and the “magic bread bowl” trick. VERY cool!