Comments on: Chapter Five, Second Draft

By: Sue

Sue — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 23:36:36 +0000

Chapter 5: “On the a slightly more realistic side (but only slightly), I really do think I know this Bea. I don’t have any idea how I would know her. But the connection is even stronger than the one that drew me to Anna. I’m not saying I like the goat-woman, mind you. Just that I think I might know her.”

First sentence…either delete ‘the’ or ‘a’. )

““So, you’ve come,” she says matter-of-factly. Her voice seems to rickoche off me, like the kaleidoscope, or a multi-track echo in an empty room or a long hallway. I get that shiver up my spine, and for the first time, I want to turn and run. But I don’t.”

Change ‘rickoche’ to ‘ricochet’

“Then again…..Woa, wait a minute…. Woa… Yea, that would be help.”

Change ‘Woa’ to ‘Whoa’.

:~)

By: Robin Rice

Robin Rice — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 10:04:08 +0000

Hello Suzanne! Best, best, best wishes on your surgery, and how lovely Mayden can accompany you… I loved meeting all of you at Asbury too!

By: Suzanne Edwards

Suzanne Edwards — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 23:50:18 +0000

Hi Robin, It was fascinating to meet with you on Monday here at Asbury. I love the story. I am printing off chapters 5 – 8 and take them with me to the hospital tomorrow when I have surgery (mastectomy) for breast cancer. I figure these would be easier to read than trying to hold a book. Your creative brain is wonderful. Thank you.

By: Diane Schulstad

Diane Schulstad — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 04:30:51 +0000

Oh… yeah… I’m hooked too! On to the next….

By: Camille Olivia Strate

Camille Olivia Strate — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 05:37:17 +0000

Okay. See? Now I’m all hooked and there are only a couple of chapters left to read (thus far…for now…I know, it’s coming!) and so I’m going to have to ’savor’ the next 2 until you write some more. OOOOOOOOOOOh! Patience has never been one of my strong suits! Dang it. Robin….this is really, really REALLY terrific. Not kidding.