Comments on: First Draft: Chapter Four

By: moquistone

moquistone — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 16:58:08 +0000

Hi Robin — what grabbed me in this chapter was the movement — the choppy phrases and tumble of words really made me anxious and agitated — – interesting that this was the first chapter that grabbed me on a gut level – and that is what Mayden is feeling also

By: Robin Rice

Robin Rice — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 21:34:20 +0000

Thanks, Benida, for commenting and for your thoughts….I’m taking everyone’s ideas under advisement, which is SO FUN~ I think all ages are excited to be reading, and I’m glad. Hugs!

By: Benida

Benida — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 20:18:21 +0000

Hi Robin, I love your books and your writing. Can’t wait for more, I didn’t find the glow of the hands too soon. But then I know healers and am a believer….and by the way, I’m 61 and am an artist and teacher.
Can’t wait to read more!

By: Robin Rice

Robin Rice — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 16:41:50 +0000

hi Sue~ Welcome~ I may not be too young, 46 I think, but it does seem all ages are interested. We may even have a retirement village or two reading. I find that Sooooo exciting. All ages. Wonderful!

By: sue

sue — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 22:44:46 +0000

Young lady …. This is a very interesting story , even for me , a 55 year old woman who usually prefers to read the latest scientific ,psy, and medical reports !! Very interesting and easy to identify with . Keep going !
It’s good !

By: lori

lori — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 20:50:27 +0000

This teen seems a bit on the precocious side, so in a way I would not worry too much about the lingo being current, just that it is ‘her’ way of talking/thinking. I will run the chapters by 19 year adrian, he’s a prolific reader as you know, and of fantasy. Keep on! I would not edit yet, get another chapter out at least. I agree with comment above that mayden’s hands glowing like embers would have to have her pretty convinced about magic–I also wondered when I read it if it was a bit much too soon, for my willing suspension of disbelief. Maybe just have a kinesthetic event, where she feels the heat only. Later introduce the visuals…..

By: Robin Rice

Robin Rice — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 17:26:16 +0000

i like idiotic… taylor says crap, but that’s only when she’s around me Keep it coming readers, tell me how a teen talks!

By: Tiffany Montavon

Tiffany Montavon — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 17:24:11 +0000

in re-reading the context –
“stupid stuff”
idiotic behavior…”

By: Tiffany Montavon

Tiffany Montavon — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 17:21:46 +0000

wouldn’t mayden say ” the pissy stuff” instead of BS? what would your daughter say, Robin?

By: Robin Rice

Robin Rice — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 16:14:12 +0000

i like Bug and Irk… annoy, irritate, good too. What I want are words she would SAY in conversation… “That totally Vexates me” probably would not work, but “That irks me” would. THANKS~ MUCH